I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize