you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
