Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
A bitchslap is in order.
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