I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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