LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
