the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
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Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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