lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
