She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
