I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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