What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize