you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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