Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
