I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
