How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I've blown a few things in my day
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
