just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
