Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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