please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
