Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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