you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
