I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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