ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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