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She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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