I'm gonna have a badass scar
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
