I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
