I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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