So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I currently don't understand fingers.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
