It's like God shit irony all over that family
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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