tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
