with your own penis?
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She said her name was "party"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
