Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
