i permit you to call me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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