Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
