So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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