Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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