im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All the doctor said was why
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
