Kiss
Puke
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
