I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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