A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
