my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
