8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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