It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
