Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
