i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
