I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
