everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
