i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
