Sry I called you an 8
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
