I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
