It's just like the Real World with babies
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
