are you still at the devil's house?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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