I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so that wasnt chicken after all
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
