She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
