I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
