i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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