Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
