did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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