whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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