I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
