my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
