So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
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For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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