He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
