who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
