Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
