Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
