quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
