look no pants
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i think my cat just said my name.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
