Umm I'm too high to move.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
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Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
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My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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