A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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