she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
